I’m Back

Something just came over me. I am no longer in control, but someone or something is definitely in control. My senses tell me enough to know I’m not, oddly enough, out of control; I’m just no longer the one in charge. I immediately wonder if I ever have been in control and wander down the philosophical rabbit hole that does nothing but distract me from right now. Damn. Right now. I’m back. 

Assessing my situation and feeling the corners of my mouth turn up into a smile remembering the Borg episode from Star Trek. Not so funny now but still one of my favorites. Was that from the original series? Or the Next Generation? maybe one of the movies because those are so well done. Benedict Cumberbatch as Kahn was genius. His birthday was a couple of weeks ago — same day as Lori’s — and it’s funny that still pops up on my annual calendar from how many years ago did my daughter place it there? Ten? Shit. I’m back. I’m back.

Who taught me that technique? Was I in a training program for this very situation? Do I know what to do? Geez — what if I’m like Jason Bourne? OMG was that series based on real life events? Clearly they didn’t screen me too well because can you even imagine me as an assassin?! Laughing over here. That’s really funny. I mean — not real, right? I couldn’t even punch David in the face when he was wearing full head gear, taught me how to throw the punch and TOLD me to do it! I CRIED. Good grief. Kill someone on command? Not too likely. Laugh, love, hug on command — definitely my vibe. Shit. I’m back. I’m back. Again.

Get your surroundings. Get some information we can use here. Where is here? Who is talking to me? Do you hear voices? I mean I’m full-blown having a conversation here. Who are you?

Who are you?

You know what? It doesn’t matter right now. Let’s all quiet and calm down. Take some deep breaths. Focus on here. Right here. Breathe? I can’t!! I can’t breathe! Oh, wait, yes, yes I can. Just not easily or through my mouth, or maybe it’s my nose. Dear God, do I have a face?!

Yes, you have a face. What do you think someone just took your face? Now I’m laughing.

Well, wasn’t there a movie with a face swap? I don’t think I saw it but I remember the title had something to do with faces. I’m not convinced it can’t happen.

Face swapping — pretty sure that’s only on your phone. Remember when you face swapped with the Pope?! OMG Hilarious!

Yes! I used his image from the Pope Pop I bought at the Vatican souvenir shop! We laughed real tears at that one. And I’m back. 

Still don’t know anything in this moment other than I now have a hankering for some bruschetta — screams Italy, doesn’t it? I should make some; I’ve got all the ingredients: fresh basil, fresh tomatoes, olive oil. Bread. I need some decent crusty bread. I don’t think I can pick a favorite — oh, yes, yes I can. The tomato salad in Agerola. I know it wasn’t technically bruschetta, but close enough, right? Is my mouth watering? What is wrong with my mouth? Shiiit — seriously guys (are you guys?) something is wrong here. Very wrong. I don’t think I can talk. Are we not talking? I am so confused right now. I’m back. I’m back. 

But where am I? Who am I? I know who I am. Do I have a face? What happened to my mouth? It’s dripping. Something is dripping. Is it my mouth? Am I awake? Can anyone hear me? I don’t think anyone hears me. Am I alone? What is that pressure on my arm? Why is my arm being squeezed? Who is touching me? I don’t want to be touched. NO! Don’t touch me! NO! I’m back. I’m back. Be here now.

I hear you. What? I’m sorry, what? It’s all over? What’s over? What happened? Do you remember that episode of I Love Lucy where she drinks the vitameatavegimin? I love that episode. I read her biography last year. Lucy’s. Listened to it, actually. Her daughter narrates it and I didn’t laugh as much as I thought I would. I cried, actually. Very sad. It’s hard. Being famous. Getting what you want. Maybe? Right. I’m back. I’m back. 

I do love Lucy. I really do.

Oh, hi Mom. We’re going home now? But I can’t drive myself. I’m definitely not in control. What are these? My wisdom teeth?